The Life and Times of a Crazy Single Mom

The Pup Count

2007-09-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

We went to the vet today, and the official pup count is in. Remember when I said small dogs usually only have 2 to 3 pups for there first litter? Well, there are not 2 pups. There are not 3 pups. There are definately 4 pups with the possibility of 2 more, that couldn't be seen well on the x-ray making a grand total of pups due....6! 6!!!!!!!!! I mean wow, she isn't a big dog. She did mate with a Yorkie, who was smaller than her...so....
I just want healthy puppies. I have homes for 3 of them.....anyone want a pup???

Dogs and Puppies

2007-09-21T07:35:00.000-04:00

Our dog is pregnant. In fact, she is VERY pregnant and due the beginning of October. She's a little miniature Schnauzer, and awfully cute. My roommates mom is a very good friend of mine, and fell in love with our dog, and that is very fitting because it's because she had a Miniature Schnauzer that I fell in love with the breed. She had one, and he was the best dog, who unfortunately passed away after a very long good life. Then my landlords sister, knowing we wanted a dog, said she had a patient (she's a visiting nurse) who couldn't take care of her dog anymore and did I want it. I of course, with very little encouragement, said yes. Imagine my surprise when I found out she was a pure breed Miniature Schnauzer! Anyway, onto the pregnancy. Oliquig's mom was hinting around that she would love a puppy or two from our dog, and after a while, especially after she said she would foot the vet bills for the pregnancy, I said that would be great! My landlords sister had a very willing Yorkshire Terrier, and here my dog is, pregnant! She's going to have Schnorkies, and actually if you do a web search, you can find out what they look like, there actually is such a thing! Princess cannot WAIT until the puppies come, I keep telling her we are NOT keeping any hee! Being a small breed, she should only have two to three pups, and all are spoken for. Two to my roomie's mom, and one to my landlords sister with the very willing Yorkie. On Monday I find out how many she is carrying, and you can bet that when they are here, I WILL post pics! Have a great weekend everyone, I go to see my parents this weekend, always a good thing and yet hard, as you can tell from my last post. In celebration of my dog's impending motherhood, I posted a pic of Princess when she was first born, seems like only yesterday but wow it has been 6 years!

My Dad

2007-09-13T23:36:00.000-04:00

My Dad's Birthday is on Tuesday, he'll be 85. He has Kidney disease, and has been on dialysis since the beginning of the year. I read back in my blog to last Christmas, and saw how we were all hopeful that the dialysis would give him a quality of life , at least to some extent. It has not. Instead, we've watched him decline slowly and in degrees. He's in a nursing home now, because my 79 year old mother can't take care of him. He has no control over his bladder, he can't walk, and his mind is starting to wander. This was the man who would not "let" me win when he taught me how to play cards, which made the victory that much sweeter when I finally won a game on my own. He helped me with math when I was a young girl because I had trouble back then. He would use flash cards with me and tell me that I could do it, he knew I could because I was smart. Now when I go visit him, I tell him dad you can do it, just one foot down on the ground and you can get into your wheelchair. He calls my daughter by my name at times because he gets confused. This strapping man is down to about 120 pounds, and each time I see him he seems a bit more faded, a bit more tired. There are days he can't talk above a whisper, because he has no energy even for that. A few weeks ago, his doctor sat him down and told him that the dialysis was not doing what they had hoped it would, and that he wasn't sure how much more it could do for him other than clean his blood to keep him alive. His Minister of the church he goes to has been talking to him about letting go, and he has listened. He recalls when his mother was ill and how she chose to die at home with family around her, she did not choose to linger in a half-life state. Some days he thinks he will make the decision to end the treatment soon, and some days he thinks that just one more day, and he will be able to do more and walk with only a cane. When he does make the decision to go peacefully into that long dark night, and he stops the dialysis, it will be a matter of about a week, and he'll be gone. I love my father. I carry the memories of a million little things that make him "dad" to me. I have pictures of him in healthier days with Princess, both with irrepressible grins on their faces. Princess knows that grandpa is dying, and she deals with this grief in little bits, as only a 6 year old can. I deal with it in huge chunks, because I truly know what this means. When he does make the decision, I'll be there, as he goes into Hospice care. I'll tell him how much I love him, and tell him that he will never ever be forgotten. I'll tell him it's okay to let go. But what I want to do is run up to him and leap into his arms and have my big strong dad again. I worry about my mom. I worry about a lot of things. But most of all I love my dad, and I can let go too if I have to. But never let go of how much I love him.

Back....yet again!

2007-09-10T14:30:00.000-04:00

Well hello, I have been gone so long, and haven't been by to see any of you at all! Life has been ineteresting here, and when I have more time, I will certainly go into details. Here is a new pic of Princess, how she has grown!! Now missing a tooth and in first grade! Our dog is now pregnant, so puppies will be here in short order. Now I go to pick up Princess, see you all soon!

What The???? Revisited

2007-01-24T22:21:00.000-05:00

So the last time I blogged I was marvelling at the warmth of the day, this week, on Friday, the high is supposed to be 14!!! With a wind chill factor of 20 below!!!! Again...What the????? Oh well :-)

What the???

2007-01-06T13:06:00.000-05:00

I just went for a walk with my daughter and my dog. I live in the Northeast, and today, in January, it's close to 70!! This is very strange! While I am enjoying not having to layer up, I must say that this is not good, not for health, not for the trees, and not for the animals. They're all confused, trees are budding now. El Nino, you tricky thing you! Oh well, back outside I go to enjoy spring....er...I mean winter hee!!! Oh...and here is a pic of my budding rock star on Christmas, how cool is she :-) !

Happy New Year 2006

2006-12-30T21:06:00.000-05:00

So the Holidays have come and soon will be gone. This year has been interesting to say the least. It started rough, as we just moved in November and by January were not well set in at all. I felt that I was playing catch up all the time. My dad has been diagnosed with Kidney disease, and has been in denial about it for most of the year. He went into the hospital yesterday for his first dialysis treatment, no more denial dad, this is your life. He's in good spirits, and we hope that this will give him some quality of life back, so pray for us. My brother who is mentally ill has had a really good year, and he seems to have found a good place in his life. Then there is Princess, who has just turned 6, and is growing and learning at an alarming rate. She isn't supposed to be this grown up yet! She now sounds out every word that she sees, most times quite successfully. I went a little crazy with her gifts this year, but however rough this year started, it ended with me financially well off for a change. She has a kind heart, so I don't think one year of excess is going to warp her. I have much to be thankful for at the end of this year, Princess, my dad doing well at least for now, the rest of my family, and my friends who are as close as a family. So tomorrow we will celebrate, some of us with bittersweet memories of the past year, and some of us with a little bit of sorrow, but all of us with the knowledge that we are surrounded by those we love. Petty differences aside, we all accept each other, warts and all. And really, who could ask for more than people who know you at your best and your worst, and STILL like you!! Happy New Year everyone, celebrate safely, and celebrate with those you love. The new year is filled with promise!

Pictures Finally!!!

2006-11-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

Princess at Pumpkintown, I haven't been able for some reason to upload photos to blogger for a while, so here are quite a few of them!

Princess and friends at said Pumpkintown.

At the Science museum in Boston

The whole family at Dad's 85th Birthday party.

First day of school, she looks so grown up!

The end of the first day of school, she's all smiles!

Hope you enjoy all these pics :-)

The Good candy, The Bad bug, and The Ugly side of mothering

2006-11-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

The stomach bug made a visit to our house. Wednesday morning, Princess woke up saying "Mama my belly hurts". I, being the ever sympathetic mom, told her "it's because you ate too much candy last night, your going to school"! I started to realize this was not just an attempt to stay home when she refused to eat breakfast, Princesses favorite meal of the day. I started to wonder if perhaps I should have treated her a bit nicer, when she threw up on my kitchen floor. Don't you hate when you just assume your child is faking it?? In my defense, Princess is a VERY dramatic child, so it's hard to tell what is real and what is acting. I mean this kid could win an academy award with some of the things she has done! On the good side, Halloween was fun, this neighborhood is chock full of kids, so many houses were well stocked for the trick or treaters. Princess got quite the haul! Which she has had no interest in since Wednesday, probably because her mom told her that her belly hurt because she ate too much candy! Oh well. Candy is not an essential part of a child's nutritional needs. Eventually she will realize that the creamy chocolate goodness that is candy bars is worth another look. Today we are off to see The Santa Claus 3. Believe it or not, I really want to see this movie, which tells you I have been to way too many kids movies, as I actually look forward to them more than grown up movies, probably because I know more about them at this point! Anyway, have a nice relaxing Sunday everyone, I sure will!

Kindergarten Woes

2006-10-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

So lately, Princess has had a few issues in school. The teacher took me aside and told me that Princess was not listening, talking when she shouldn't, and wasn't keeping her hands to herself. This led to a discussion between Princess and myself on how I raised her with better manners than that and that she should be more attentive and nicer in school, and most of all listen to the teacher. Her behavior has improved some with some days of not so good behavior. I love the fact that she is of the age where she still tells me when she didn't have a good day behavior wise. I know that someday that will stop. That said, she came home yesterday from school after having a school trip to a local farm and told me she had been in time out that day. I asked her why, she told me " I pulled D's hair". When I asked her why, this is what she said:
"I was on the bus and K was talking to me and D wanted to talk to me but I couldn't ignore K so D yelled at me then later I was talking to Z and D wanted to talk to me again and I couldn't ignore Z so D yelled at me again, then later I was ready to talk to D but she was mad at me so I pulled her hair."
This I am SURE makes sense in a kindergarten way hee! I had to work hard not to laugh and ruin the whole stern parent thing. I then told her that if she did mean things to other kids she would soon have no friends, to which she wailed "I have no friends!", yeah, ok. Because people with no friends have two friends sleep over the weekend and go to Pumpkintown with them and meet up with other friends, and have two other friends who have already called dibs on the next sleepover, not to mention the whole D, K, and Z thing lol!!!
The world seen through kindergarten eyes is rich, a little frustrating, and full of learning. God I love these days, even when I have to be the stern parent!!

Life is so sweet sometimes!

2006-10-22T18:43:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those memorable Fall days when you look back in say, the dead of Winter, and go "remember that perfect fall day?", you can't ask for better! It actually started yesterday with Princess testing for her Green Belt in Tae Kwon Do, (she got it be the way) then when we came home, her two friends came over to play and stayed the night. So this morning I woke up to a gaggle of girls all raring to go. We added a few more mommies and there kids, and off we went to Pumpkintown USA which is a fun place for kids of all ages. They only charge a few bucks to go through it, more to cover their cost of running it, and once there the kids can go through and see pumpkin people and pumpkin buildings, plus various other activities. The kids went wild! They had a ball, and we mothers had a ball watching them. The sun was out this morning, the trees were at their absolute best, and not one of the children melted down at all. The mothers got to chit chat and the kids got to run around like wild things. Who could ask for more? We got hungry and went up to where they were selling hotdogs, cider both hot and cold, apples coated with all sorts of yummy things, and popcorn, and a few other things I can't remember. None of the food was overpriced and it was delicious! Can someone tell me why hotdogs eaten outside on a Fall day taste close to heaven?!? The only time they come close is when you cook them on the grill in the summer and eat them outside. We then went back into Pumpkintown, and did it all over again! The air started to get more chilled and the clouds started to roll in, and the kids were all looking a bit peaky, so we all said our goodbyes and left. We came home, Princess and I, to a house that smelled wonderful as I started a pot roast in the crock pot this morning, dinner and now we are winding down toward bedtime. We're tired, but in that satisfied "boy did we have fun" kind of way. There are days that you know you'll remember when the kids are grown and this is one of them. I hope all of you have these memories to cherish, they make life worth living!

October Blue....Skies That Is!

2006-10-09T20:33:00.000-04:00

I seem to find less and less time to blog lately, I apologise to those who actually read me. It has been an adjustment for me as well as Princess, this whole getting up early and getting to school. I must say she has adjusted better than I have! I am NOT, and never will be, a morning person hee! Mom and Dad visited this weekend, and we had a blast! It was certainly a beautiful weekend, it couldn't have been more perfect for Columbus day weekend. The weather was almost summer like, and the trees are starting to put on a show that can take your breath away. We headed for Kent Falls, a state park high in the Litchfield Hills of CT. It was a wonderful ride, down back roads (there actually is no major highway to take you up there) past beautiful streams and rivers, farms and fields. Mom and Dad enjoyed the ride, and even Princess kept her spirits up, considering riding in a car is not the most fun thing for 5 year olds to do! We got to the park, and it was beautiful! The falls, the picnic area, the hiking trails (straight UP might I add!) and the black flies. OK everything was beautiful except the black flies, I could have done without them! We had a picnic and then walked up to the falls and up the trails. Well folks, I am not a small woman, and let me tell you, going up the side of that fall dang near killed me hee!!! There goes Princess like a mountain goat, and there is me behind her, "pant....pant.... go ahead Princess......Mommie.....pant....will be right.....there.....pant!" I made it up three quarters of the way, I am pretty proud of myself!!! I hope to be less weight next year, and I WILL make it to the top then!! I have no idea what's up there, probably nothing, but there I will go!! All in all one of the best days I have had! Happy Fall everyone, may everyone make it to the top of the hill!!!!

School Days and Tears

2006-09-17T20:47:00.000-04:00

September is here, ok so I missed blogging about the first day of school, but I have been so very busy! Getting up earlier to make sure Princess is on time to school is new for me, and morning is not my strong suit hee! That morning, we woke up, and Princess was so very excited and asked to get dressed right away for her first day. So off we go to get dressed and have breakfast. I put on her back pack, packed with a snack and her notebook and pens and pencils, and went to the neighbors, who has a child in first grade. We walk down together as we live about 5 minutes walking distance from the school. Both Princess and friend were excited for the first day. We parents walked behind as the two girls walked in front of us, chatting as they walked. Princess looked so very grown up, I found myself getting very teary. Where did my baby go!! Who is this child, so grown up, so beautiful and confident! Will she still need me? All these thoughts went through my head. I know that as a single mom Princess has been in full day daycare since she was 7 weeks old, I know she has been in pre-school. But none of those things involved this child who is no longer a baby, who is my very big girl!! Kindergarten represents such a new time in her life and in mine. That first day ended for Princess as exciting as it began. She came home full of stories of her day and her teacher and the new kids she met. I breathed a sigh of relief, she still tells me everything! Each day, is the same, she comes home and tells me about her day. I can get used to this, I have years before she stops talking to me. I watch her everyday with eyes aglow over her new experiences. I have pictures of baby Princess, in front of me is my big girl. I am so very proud of her!!!!

Summer, An End And A Beginning

2006-08-14T08:19:00.000-04:00

One of the most beautiful sunsets I have seen this Summer
Same as above.

I love Summer. Sure, there are days that are too hot and too humid, and this year we have had way too many of them. But the days are longer, there is always something fun to do. The beach, picnics, barbecue, any and all outdoor activities, visits with friends, and so much more. At this time of year, close to the end of the summer, I find myself with so many feelings swirling around inside of me. I love Autumn too, so I find myself looking forward to it, with all its fairs, beautiful trees, and cool days. I love the smell of the air at that time. But I also find myself mourning the loss of the longer days and all the summer time fun. I also start to think of new beginnings, this year is a big one, Princess starts Kindergarten! I also think of endings. I can feel blue and happy at the same time. I tend to cram as much activities in a day as I can, knowing that soon there will be fewer opportunties. I don't know if anyone else knows what I'm talking about, this feeling inside. It is unique to this time of year for me. So I will take every day and make it one more special day of the Summer, mourn the losing of the long days, and look forward to Autumn with all it holds, all at once. Happy-sad. That describes it.

Sadie Comes To Stay

2006-08-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

For the longest time, Princess has been asking for a dog. I love dogs, I was just wondering about time, and how were we going to make sure it got taken out enough, etc etc. Basically, I was putting off the inevitable. I had finally decided that in about a year, we would get one. My next door neighbor is a visiting nurse, and she knew about the dog situation. She came home the other day saying that one of her patients was ill and had a small dog that needed taking care of. Half poodle and half terrier. I said ok let's see if it is good with children. She came to visit, and never left. She is wonderful with children! She has the sweetest personality, and when the mats that my neighbor had to cut out are gone, she'll look beautiful . Her name was Shadow, but none of us liked that, and she ended up as Sadie Sunshine. Princess named her. I can't believe how much I already love her, she has come into our lives so easily, as if she knew that this is where she belonged. As you can see by the pic, Princess is so happy! So welcome Sadie, we didn't even know we missed you until we had you!

2006-07-24T18:21:00.000-04:00

Walking the tide pools

Sand art

On the way to Prudence Island

At the sailing lessons watching the cousins dog

Just one of the spectacular sunsets!!!

Here are some pics of Prudence Island. Below is the post about my vacation, enjoy :-)

Prudence Island, a timeless vacation!

2006-07-22T22:40:00.000-04:00

Well I'm back, this is the first time I've had time to post since my vacation....Ok that's not entirely true, this is the first time I've had the energy to blog. It is NOT easy to get back in the swing of things when you've been on an island where time seems to flow differently! We would get up when we wanted and go to bed later than normal, because the days seemed to fly and before we knew it, it was after 8 at night. Most nights we didn't eat before 9, and even the kids seemed to realize that this was a different world. During the day there was swimming and sand art, sailing lessons and catching of crabs and mussels. There is nothing better than gathering mussels during low tide then cooking them up right after, so fresh and delicious! The crabs were not the eating type, but they were the gathering type, we went after them to see how many we could catch before letting them go. I even caught some, just to prove to my nephew that I was NOT too girly to catch them! In hindsight I wish I had just let him laugh at me, a crab pinched me and it hurt hee! On cloudy days (we had a few but no rain thank goodness) we hiked around the island and took pictures of the "haunted house", a very old abandoned house. I don't know if any of you truly believe in hauntings, I do, and I can honestly say there was nothing hostile around that house, but the kids got a kick out of knocking on the door to wake up the "ghosts". Those cloudy days were nice, the deer came out then, so we got to see many of them, something Princess couldn't get enough of. The sunsets were breathtaking, and the kids even went evening swimming in their clothes, something every kid should do at least once! At night you could sit on the porch and watch the bats go after the bugs. I cheered them on as they decreased the mosquito population! It was a vacation I truly did not want to end, but as with all good times, it finally came to an end, and we were both sad to leave. Oh well, it just makes the memories sweeter and the anticipation of another time at Prudence Island something to treasure. Now...Back to the real world!!!

Vacation Away!!!!

2006-07-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I leave for vacation, so I will talk to you all in a week :-)
I can't WAIT to plop down on the beach hee!!!

Happy 4th!!!

2006-07-03T08:48:00.000-04:00

Nothing is as good as a day at the beach, or so Princess thinks :-)
Waiting for the fireworks, anticipation brightening her eyes.
Finally, here they are!!!

Happy 4th of July everyone! I hope everyone's weekend is going as well as mine. Yesterday we went to the beach, and surprisingly, there was no traffic on any of the highways we took to get there! I kind of felt like I was in the twilight zone because one of those highways usually has lots of traffic! We got to the beach, and there were people there, but not as many as I thought there would be. The water was wondrful, and we had a blast! The day before that, Princess and I went to a house party, because the house is really close to where our town does the fireworks. It was nice to be at a house party and not in the throngs of revellers I am sure were actually at the site. The fireworks were spectacular, and Princess was literally the life of the party. She just passed her orange belt testing in Tae Kwon Do, and would do all her moves on demand. She danced the night away, and we didn't get home until about 11 that night, and she was in a good mood, which is NOT usual when she is up so late. Tonight I have a barbecue planned for friends and we'll light up some of our own fireworks. Tomorrow, the actual 4th, we really don't have anything planned but going to a friends pool. All in all, a relaxing, wonderful, happy weekend. I love those! Above are a few pics for you!

Ah the sweet sweet summertime starts!

2006-06-20T22:02:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful weekend! I went to visit bro and sis in law and their kids, and let me tell you, we had a blast!! They have a new pool, which I made good use of this weekend, as did Princess. I don't think we got to bed before 10 at night (hey that is late for me now hee!) which did make Princess a bit of a bear when she woke up. But she was able to pull it together each day and have a good time. My last post spoke of the crazy people in my life, well I also have wonderful people in my life too, which my brother his wife and kids are part of. I know that whatever happens, they have my back, as I have theirs. Roomie is another good one in my life, she is always there as are other good friends I have. So in between the soap opera which surrounds me, I also have those that stabilize me. I often think you have to have the weirdness because without it you wouldn't recognize the good. Here are some pics of the weekend, enjoy!

Here is the great Mentos and diet coke experiment, 4 mentos and a 2 liter diet coke, and you get instantaneous flume o' coke in the air! So cool! If you want to see more of the diet coke and mentos thing, go here.

Princess enjoying Auntie's pool!

Princess and the pre-school graduating class of 2006!

What is summer without a little watermelon?

Princess and a buddy from Taekwondo.

Life is a soap opera, or is that soap bubble!

2006-06-12T14:49:00.000-04:00

Ever have some people in your life you just wonder about? I have a few of them let me tell you! I have a good friend who used to live above me in my old house, I think I have written about her and her husband, the alcoholic. Well they're still trying to make it, and have started marriage counselling. But before that happened, good friend (We'll call her goodf from now on) started hanging out with another friend (we'll call her messed up or ms for now) who has a tendency to fall out of your life and back into it whenever it suits her. This is fine if it's just you, but when there are kids involved too, well kids wonder why ms and her kids are now no longer in the picture anymore. I stopped seeing her after her last episode, because Princess was feeling a bit sad that she didn't see ms's kids anymore. So, since I can't change ms's behavior, I chose to absent myself from her life early enough that Princess would not remember the hurt. It's not like you can get in touch with her when she disappears as half the time her phone isn't working. So there you are. Anyway, I digress. Goodf and ms have started hanging again. Now goodf, when her life is shit, tends to try to soothe it by doing things that make her forget how painful her life is, like going out every single weekend with ms and staying out all night. This might work when you are younger and single, but when you're married and have a child, this tends to make things worse as far as your relationship goes. Ms thinks nothing of this, as she pretty much does what she wants and no matter what her husband and kids need. Goodf's husband though, he gets bent out of shape. And even though he is an alcoholic, I have to side with him on this one, goodf needs to work things out at home if she wants to save her marriage, or she needs to get a divorce if she thinks it isn't gonna work. But to go out with ms every weekend and when she is out with her to see HER EX BOYFRIEND WHOM SHE ALMOST MARRIED when she is out, WRONG WRONG WRONG!! But you see ms is good and convincing people to do what they know is wrong. On top of that, ms had the nerve to have goodf ask me to do her hair for a pageant (yep she AND her daughter do beauty pageants, no offense to those who do them, but why not teach your impressionable 4 year old that looks are the ONLY things that is important, my god) when she hasn't bothered to pick up the phone and call me in over a year. Then today, I get an email inviting me to her daughters (the beauty queen) birthday party next weekend. Not going needless to say. I want positive people in my life and in my daughters. Not those who bring discord with them all the time. I live in a soap opera, and I'm the sane one, which isn't really saying much!!!

Check It Out

2006-05-25T23:02:00.000-04:00

Have you guys ever checked out greatschools.org? It's a very informative site that lets you see where your child's school stands in many different aspects. Check it out, I did and feel better about where my child will start Kindergarten. The test scores are slightly low in this school, but the feedback from parents was for the most part positive. Soon we'll have kindergarten orientation, and then.....The world opens up for Princess, what a wonderful time in her life!!

What a Wonderful World!!!!

2006-05-15T21:18:00.000-04:00

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers out there, and to you "mister" moms too!! I hope your day was as wonderful as mine was. Princess presented me with a picture she drew of me in a field of flowers, a butterfly with her handprints as wings, and a wooden butterfly that she painted at an arts and crafts store that my roomie took her to, pictures above. On top of that, roomie made me a delicious breakfast with the help of Princess, then I went out with a whole bunch of mommies to a wonderful buffet dinner at a restaurant called Adams Mill. All in all, I felt loved and so happy that I was blessed to be a mom. I called my mom (who was supposed to be at my brothers house but because of the rain did not go, I will visit her soon) and had a wonderful talk with her. On this day of all days we are equals, a nice place to be with her. I ended the day with a trip to Target, how much better can a day get??? I hope all of you are as blessed with friends, relatives, and a child (or more) who think you are the center of the world, at least for one day :-)

Easter and family. Both wonderful.

2006-04-25T20:59:00.000-04:00

Spring here, things are blooming, including my mood, I seem to be in a much better one. I had my whole family and then some to my house for Easter, it was wonderful. My dad has kidney disease, and is close to needing dialysis. He has good days and bad days, and lately the bad days have outnumbered the good. Three days before Easter Mom was certain they wouldn't make it. Dad had some bad times, and was very week. He had wet the bed and she called me as she was cleaning the sheets. My mom is hard to deal with in the best of times, and my dads sickness has not brought out the best in her. She has never been a care giver, not even to her own children, so being one to her spouse is not natural to her. That said, I felt very sorry for her. Dad is rather oblivious to what is going on, his mind is not as sharp as it used to be, and he is the eternal optimist. It's mom who faces the reality of having her husband die. She wasn't sure dad would be strong enough, and was not wanting to drive up for Easter as she felt that her nerves couldn't handle it. Underneath it all, I could sense a fear, one so great it overwhelmed her. Her husband, her life mate, her rock, her right hand, is sick and no one can tell her if he has a few months or a few years. This on top of being a woman who would have been better suited to a career than she ever was as a home maker. Don't get me wrong, she cooks like a chef, kept a house that could have been in Better Homes and Gardens, threw the right parties, knew the right people, but none of it made her truly happy, because she was born in a generation that told women that they couldn't have both a home and a career, however hard that is.
Well, this post is not about Mom, it's about Easter. When mom told me they couldn't come up, I told her I understood and whatever she felt she could do was ok. Then I thought about it, well as far as driving is concerned, I could go pick them up from the ferry dock, if dad was week we could help him up the stairs and even give him a tray in the bedroom, at least family could go see him up there and he them. As far as him getting sick while up here, well my sister in law is a nurse and could certainly keep him together to get him to the hospital. I told her all this, and she started to cry. Which made me cry. The long and the short of it, I picked them up from the ferry dock, dad was in such good spirits he ate like a champ, and even smiled through the fatigue that hit him after supper. This was a tonic that both mom and dad needed right now, and I am SO glad they came. At this point, I take no family get togethers for granted, because I don't know how many more of them we have with all the family here. I cherish them. This summer, if all goes well, I'll have a get together for the whole family again, a big old barbecue in the back yard. I plan for the get togethers even though I know this may not happen, especially when dialysis starts. But if I stop planning, I feel like that's giving up on dad, and I won't do that.
Don't miss any opportunity to see your family. As much as they anger you, and piss you off, or make you cry, because you will miss them when they're gone.
Not so upbeat huh, but if you look close, you will see a lot of love and joy in this post. Just look real close.

Mom's house is FULL of surprises!

2006-03-23T21:57:00.000-05:00

Hi, it's me :-) I know I know, I am NOT a good blogger, as I tend to go away for a long while and then come back. Part of that is sheer laziness, and part of that is that big ol winter doldrums syndrome. I know I talked about that before. Also another part of it was a cold from HELL that would NOT let me go!! I still have a rough voice from it, it lasted over two weeks!!!
Anyway....
I went home to Long Island this past weekend to see my folks. Dad is not doing so well, he has kidney disease and will need dialysis at some point, but for now he's holding his own. I was supposed to go see them weeks ago, but then the cold from hell hit, and that was that. The last thing dad needs is me getting him sick with something that may not be gotten rid of easily, especially with is weakened immune system. He looked great though.
We got there Saturday, Princess was so excited and told a friend of mine that her Grammy and Grampy were the best ever. We spent a pleasant evening, even went to the mall with my brother. Princess has discovered the joys of Starbucks hot chocolate. Have any of you had it? It is to DIE for!!! They make it with real melted chocolate and steamed milk! I think that is one thing that will be special at Grammy's house only or with her Auntie, because getting my kid hooked on Starbucks at her age leads me to think of years of expense hee!
The next morning, we got up and Princess wanted Cheerios for breakfast, so I as a good mommy went and poured her some, not really paying attention, when I heard and felt a "plop" fall out of the box. I looked, and IT WAS A DEAD MOUSE PEOPLE!!! I screamed, mom thought I was hurt and was trying to figure out what happened, dad was concerned, and so was Princess. I finally was able to say "there's a dead mouse in the cereal box!", which made mom, dad, and daughter laugh at me hysterically! Mom said "Well we've been trying to catch that mouse for weeks, then a few days ago we saw no sign of it, I guess it crawled in the cereal box" Which I replied " NO REALLY?!?!? " It was pretty funny! My mom and dads house it old and surrounded by nature, and sometimes those field mice start to think it might be good to come in where the food is bountiful. Princess then had to call all of my friends and Roomie to tell them about the Mouse Incident!
Anyway, there is never a dull moment at moms house let me tell you!!
So how was YOUR weekend???

Why we are going to hell

2006-02-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

We threw our cat Psykit out in the snow just to see her in it, not once, not twice, but three times so I could get a good picture of her. We are SO going to hell hee!!!!!

The slamming door and what it means

2006-02-11T22:07:00.000-05:00

It's amazing the things that can trigger memories. In my new house, I have a back screen door that slams when closing if you don't hold it. You know that sound, not a true door slam but the sound of a screen door with wooden frame slamming. When I first looked at this place, I wasn't sure I would like it, not because it isn't a good house, but because I truly loved where I was living at the time. Admittedly, a screen door slamming wasn't going to make me LOVE this house, but the memories it invoked did make me give it a second look and a chance. You see, I used to spend a few weeks every summer up in Pennsylvania in the Allegheny mountains, on one particular mountain that overlooked the fork in the Susquehanna River. They had a back kitchen door with a screen that used to slam with the same sound as my back screen door now. My Uncle had a house up there. It was an old farm house, although it wasn't a working farm. No it was a summer house with lots of bedrooms so we could all stay there as one big extended family. The closest town was a town called Tawanda, and when I say it was a small town, I am NOT exaggerating. You got off the interstate, and down a road, and then down another which was a dirt road. Your closest neighbor was miles down that road. People would ride their horses up and down that road, because there were so few cars traveling it. There was a field across the road that I used to love to lay down in. I would get up early to the smell of breakfast cooking, a true country farm breakfast. My Aunt loved to cook. She would have bacon and sausage, eggs, pancakes, berries with a pitcher of cream, homemade muffins, toast, and fresh just churned butter from the true working farm down the road. She made coffee on the stove in an old fashioned tin coffee pot, and to this day I don't think there is coffee that smells quite like that. After stuffing myself silly, I would wander across the road to the field, and walk around picking wild flowers and looking at interesting bugs and plants. Then I would lay down and just listen. I could hear the crickets, the cicadas, I could hear all the birds singing, in the distance there was the faint sound of the interstate, and I could hear critters going about their business in the field. Many times if I sat still enough, the animals would get used to me being there and would go about their business right in front of me. I saw rabbits and deer and little mice, once I saw a real honest to god badger. I saw all those things and I heard them all too, and over all the sounds I heard, there would be a silence, deep and big, the kind that you only get in the mountains. I don't know if any of you can understand hearing all those sounds but a deep silence over it all. I had friends up there, and I would go with them swimming in streams that would literally take your breath away when you dove in them as they were run-off from further up the mountain. We would be so cold that we would run out of the stream as fast as we could, run around laughing, get hot and do it all over again. My Uncles took me on many walks, with them I saw a beavers dam, otters playing, and bears. Although we were NOT close to the bears, we saw them in the distance with binoculars. My Uncle Jimmy taught me the difference between edible mushrooms and poisonous ones, and tried to convince a little girl (me) that mushrooms really did taste good (I have since come to the conclusion that he was right, but that was when I grew up a bit). My Uncle Al (short for Allison, don't ask) showed me how to take care of bees, although he never let me do it myself. I learned how to ride a horse, although not well, I kind of looked like a sack of potatoes in a saddle. My Aunt taught me how to weave flower necklaces.
All that comes back to me as I hear the back door slam, sometimes the memories are so complete that even in this winter I can smell the smell of summer in the mountains. I feel at ease, and comfortable with my surroundings, all because of a slamming door.
Funny how memories can be triggered.

I think they were talking about my evil twin hee!

2006-02-09T23:28:00.001-05:00

So I found this over at Connecticut Yankee, and I don't know about his, but this one....is SO wrong hee!! I don't think introverted and introspective have EVER been words people who know me have said about me, let alone withdrawn LOL!!!! I tend to go the exact opposite, but it was fun for a laugh, thanks for sharing CY :-)

Your Birthdate: February 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself.
Your strength: Your original approach to thinking
Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others
Your power color: Pale blue
Your power symbol: Wavy line
Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I just noticed that the link doesn't work, so here is the addy for this :-)

Princess and her Birthday parties

2006-02-06T21:17:00.000-05:00

Blogger has given me the option of uploading pics easily, or so they say. It took me three tries to get this one up!! But at least one of you has asked for a new pic of Princess, so here she is, and one of her birthday parties. Yep, she gets more than one, my way of making up for the inconvenience of her having been born the day after Christmas hee! She has a birthday dinner the night of her birthday, and then she has another birthday party when I have my "friends" Christmas, which is when all my friends and I get together and exchange gifts. They bring presents for Princesses birthday too. Then she has a kids birthday party, hopefully I can figure out how to upload more than one image! But at least, for now, there is this one!

The winter blaaaahhhhhhs

2006-02-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hey all. I know I know, I've been away for a while, sorry about that. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, haven't had much inclination to do much of anything on the puter. Money has been very tight, I'm up at nights worrying about bills, and I see no end in sight at times. Now that is the mindset I am in, the reality is that money is only tight for now, there IS an end in sight and good times will happen again. But this setback coming as it has in the winter, well it makes my mind go around in circles. Every year in winter I get a little depressed, and when things weigh heavily on my mind the depression makes it worse. I do have joy, my daughter brings it to me every day and my job is rewarding. My roommate is a good person, and everyone is healthy. So why can't I focus on those things? I thought in past winters it must be the cold that does it to me, but this year has been unseasonably mild, so it must be the lack of sunlight. Whatever the reason, my heart goes out to those who suffer from depression more than seasonally. This sucks big time. Oh well, I will try to stay as positive as I can. Princess has a birthday party to go to today, and much as I would rather just sit like a lump on the couch, I will go and I will have a good time. I think. Wish me luck.

Chuck E Cheese and other fun things

2006-01-18T21:18:00.000-05:00

So my sister in law and her kids came for the weekend, and we had a great time! On Saturday we went to this wonderfully tasty Italian restaurant and sis in law and I drank WAY too much wine, to the point where roomie had to drive us all home hee! Princess was besides herself with joy because her cousins were here. That night when we got home, it started to rain, then the temperature fell FAST, and then it was sleeting with high winds in the wee hours of the morning. I know this because I couldn't sleep and was up to hear all the commotion. Lots of sleepless nights lately, money is tight right after the holidays (and childs birthday) and I tend to obsess. By the morning, the morning of Chuck E Cheese, there was quite a bit of snow on the ground with this oh so lovely layer of ice under it all, and the locks on the cars were frozen. My niece climbed through the back of sis in laws suv and opened it from the inside, by kicking at the door while sis in law pulled on the outside. I was wondering how many kids would show, 14 did. 14 kids at Chuck E Cheese, thank god this is a 5 year old party and parents tend to stay with their kids at that age! Princess was SO happy to see everyone there, and to see Chuckie! She and a whole bunch of her friends stood at the edge of the stage (they have an animatron music show for those of you who are not part of the Chuck E fan club hee) yelling Chuckie!!!! And one of her friends jumped on stage.... I pictured them 15 years from now with lighters in their hands lol!!!! I ordered a Spiderman cake for Princess, yes she still has the same obsession. Then after the party all the kids got free tokens (part of the party package) and went to town playing games and generally running around like mad things. It's a good thing that the party was at 11, can you imagine sugaring them all up then sending them home in the afternoon "I am too old to nap but I sure do need one" time???? I think the other parents were grateful! Then we all went home and spent a quiet time at home the rest of the day.....Ok the adults were pooped and lounging on the couches and the kids were up in Princesses room generally behaving yet again like mad things, but the cool thing was we were downstairs and they....they were upstairs and away from us! There are pluses to having older cousins around let me tell you! The next day we went to see The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. I read the books growing up and loved them, and thought that this was a very good screen adaptation of it!! I hope they make more of the books it was that good!!! Then sis in law and Princess cousins had to go back home, sad day for all of us as we had a BLAST!!! There are some weekends that seem magical and like nothing could go wrong, this was one of them. Hectic, and filled with lots of screaming kids at the party, and I am so glad I have Princess to experience it all!
There now, I told you guys you would be jealous, see it WAS the best weekend :-)

Princess turns 5 and gets smart hehehe!

2006-01-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

My daughter constantly amazes me. She just turned 5, and for some reason that seems to be the magic number for her to be able to do things like numbers and letters. Mind you, she's been in daycare and preschool since she was very young, and between them and me we have certainly kept her mind active, but when she was only 4 (just a few weeks ago) she would tell me all the time that she "couldn't do it" because she was too little. Now that she is 5, she tells me "you know I can do that because I'm 5 and I'm a big girl now". Ever marvel at how they think hee! Just the other day, we had this conversation (I'm using first initials of names only)

Princess: I have two cousins!
Me: No sweetie, you don't, you have more than that. You have C and K and T, how many does that make?
Princess: (thinking for a minute) three!
Me: That's right! And you also have N and A, how many is that?
Princess: two!
Me: That's right again! And how much is two plus three?
Princess: (thinking hard again) Five!!!!
Me: Oh you are so smart!!
Princess: And I'm their cousin and I make six!

Just a few weeks ago she would have told me she was too young to do numbers, amazing what a birthday can do :-)

This Sunday I am finally getting around to having her kids birthday party. I know I know, her birthday was December 26th, but you try to have a birthday party for you kid the day after Christmas or even that week, when you also work full time, NOT a thing that I can do. So anyway, I booked it at Chuck E Cheese, so wish me luck or send me valium as there will be up to 15 kids at her party not to mention all the other kids there! Send me some ear plugs too while you're at it. All kidding aside, I get such a kick out of her having so much fun, so I'll get through it :-)

I know, you're all jealous because you won't be having as much fun as me this weekend hee!!!!

A sad day

2006-01-04T07:43:00.000-05:00

I just heard the news today about the miners. Imagine thinking your loved ones were found alive through miscommunication and rumours, only to find out just one person survived and he is in critical condition. Send the survivor your thoughts, and also the family members. Go here to see the whole story.

Please send a thought

2006-01-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

It doesn't look good for the miners. Please give them and their families a moments thought today, and let's all hope for a miracle. Go here for the news as of this morning.
I feel for all of them.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T09:27:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone!I hope everyone's New Year's Eve party was successful. Mine was! I had good friends over and we had good food and many drinks. Princess actually made it to 12 woo hoo!! JUST made it, as she was in bed and asleep 15 minutes later hee!!! I have decided not to do New Year's resolutions this year, it puts so much pressure on you and then you feel bad when you don't live up to them. So instead, I am reaffirming what I have already begun in my life.

I will continue with weight watchers, I made it through the holiday season without gaining much at all, so picking up where I left off will not be hard

I will continue working out at the gym, I surprised myself by actually LIKING working out, who knew!

My goal is the same, to be healthier and fitter and able to do more with Princess, like riding a bike. She got a new one for Christmas and if I want to keep up with her I need to be on one too.

I will be around for a good long time do I can be in my daughters life until I'm old enough to be a burden to her lol!!!!!!

So you see, no new things, just reaffirmation of existing goals.

I got an I-Pod from my friends this Christmas woo hoo!!!! I was overwhelmed by their thought and generosity. This will make being on the stationary bike at the gym MUCH more enjoyable!!! Not to mention just being able to put my music in one place. I am going to put my CD's on the puter so I can then add them to my playlist. My daughter is now 5, when did she get so big!!!!

Tell me about your new years, either the resolutions or the reaffirmations, or the lack there of, Happy New Year!

Holiday frenzy and reflection

2005-12-20T21:37:00.000-05:00

At this time of year, it's really easy to lose perspective on what is truly important. We get into this buying frenzy, and there goes our reason, our sanity, and sometimes our compassion (we've all either been that person or have seen that kind of person, admit it). Princess is getting a lot of nice things. I tend to go overboard, because she's my one and only and also because her Birthday is the day after Christmas. I was looking at digital cameras for her, she likes to take pictures and I thought that would be nice. I was looking at the cameras under 100 dollars, and read some reviews on them. Most of the cameras in that price range seem to have problems one way or the other. So I thought well if I spend 20 dollars more I could get her a better one......Then it hit me. SHE'S 4 GOING ON 5 PEOPLE!!!! What kind of a nut am I??? I'm going to buy my 5 year old a camera I would be afraid of her dropping??? She has a perfectly good 35 millimeter camera, ok so she can't preview her pics, but seriously, at 5 she's going to understand that??? I got so caught up in the buying frenzy I lost my sanity for a while. I forget that I have a responsibility to teach my daughter there is more to this season than getting presents. I should be teaching her to love herself and others. That happiness is NOT found in a prettily wrapped box.
I feel I redeemed myself a bit the other day though. I was at the grocery store, and in front of me in the checkout line was a woman who was obviously on disability and also obviously very poor. She had a small amount of groceries, most of it the staples you need in your house. Nothing extravagant or indulgent. She gave her EBT card to the cashier (for those of you who don't know, it's a card the state gives you now instead of food stamps) and was told that the balance on the card was only 8 dollars and change. She looked embarrassed, and said she would have to put a lot of what she bought back. I asked what the amount was, it came to about 24 and change. I paid for the rest of her groceries. 25 dollars will not break me, but it will make a difference in whether this woman eats this week or not.
When I was pregnant with Princess, I was put on bed rest. I work as a hair colorist, and in our business there are few salons that offer any benefits, so I don't work, I don't get paid. I had high blood pressure during the last trimester so standing all day on my feet was not something I could do. I had to go to the state to ask for assistance. Short term assistance to be sure, but I needed it at the time. It killed me a bit inside to have to do that, I have always supported myself, and here I was unable to do it at the time. After I went there and found out that yes I could have food stamps and money for household expenses, I left crying my eyes out. My pride had been badly bruised. I saw myself as a welfare mom. Needless to say, I was feeling very low. Then I got home, and I thought about it. OK I said, you need this now, but you won't need it forever. You pay into the system, and if you need help, the system can support you for a while. It's no different than having family and friends help you. The state was wonderful to me, as were my friends and family. I remembered those days as I paid for that woman's groceries. What they give you in food stamps hardly covers a whole month. If you scrimp on what you buy and buy cheap, you MAY be able to make it to the end of the month, but it's hard. If it weren't for the state and my friends, I wouldn't have made it through that Christmas pregnant and on bed rest. All of that went through my mind in a split second. It seemed the right thing to do.
If any of you are feeling pressured this holiday season, or short of time and patience, do something nice for someone. For what that deed will cost, it will pay back immeasurably in how you feel about yourself and the season. Remember those who have not, because at any time, for whatever reason, we could be the ones who have not. I was for a while.

Princess REALLY believes!!

2005-12-12T21:58:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share a few Princess moments from the past few weeks that just crack me up, all holiday related.

Princess is the kind of girl who needs fair warning when things are coming to an end, like bedtime, I give her warnings before we have quiet time and book. Otherwise there is heck to pay! This particular night, I had given her fair warning, but when the time came to turn off the TV and go for a book, she screamed bloody murder. I looked at her aghast and said (in my best stern mommy voice) "Princess, this is not good behavior!!" At which point her face got this look of sheer tragedy and terror and she screamed "DON'T TELL SANTA!!! DON'T TELL SANTA!!" I ask you, how do you manage to keep a straight face with that??

Another time, we drove by the town nativity scene, and Princess said "Mommy I just saw baby Jesus and Mary and God!" I told her that no that wasn't god that was Joseph, Jesus's father. She was quiet a moment and she said "But God is Jesus's father" to which I replied why yes, yes he was. She asked" So who is Joseph then??" I thought hard for a minute, then told her Joseph is Jesus's step daddy. I am SO going to hell for that one lol!!!!

She wondered one day how Santa could be at all the malls,so I told her that Santa was so busy this time of year that he hired people to work for him but that he kept watch over all of them so he could keep an eye on the kids. She then asked if Santa went to any of the malls, and again, thinking fast I said he does pop in from time to time as a surprise, so that you can never be too sure if the Santa you see at the mall is the real one or not. The night I put her to bed after getting her Santa picture taken, she said "Mama I think that was the real Santa!" I told her I thought so too.

I love that kid so much!!!!

All hail DSL!!!

2005-12-09T09:44:00.000-05:00

OK so now I am back, I know, I said that before, and you may not believe it, but I truly am now :-) I was without DSL for a while, and try blogging on blogger without it, NOT an easy thing! So much to tell! Settling in has not been as easy as I thought it would be. I love the new house, and I love the landlord. But this is not the area I had wanted to be in, so for a while I felt out of place, and for a really short period didn't WANT to try to like it. That time is over now, and I can see the benefits of living here. For one thing, I can get to a mall in less than 15 minutes and I DON'T have to get on a highway woo hoo!! There is a book store less than a half hour away, and the supermarket is literally down the street. Princesses school which she will be going to next fall is a block and a half away and this is a nice residential area with lots of kids for Princess to make friends with. I am much closer to work now, as is roomie. I did however, manage to totally lose the home phone, as in I don't know where I put it. How do you DO that I ask you hee! This weekend I have to buy a new home phone. There is a lot of positive things in this area, but I still miss my old town. When I buy, I'm pretty sure that is the area I'll be looking in. Pictures WILL come, I just have to organize myself to do it, so soon, I promise. I have to get ready to go to work in a major snow storm right now, so tonight I can't wait to visit all your blogs!!

All moved in and doing fine!

2005-11-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well we made it! Here we are, still in some boxes, but doing way better than I thought we would at this time. Princess' room is all unpacked, as she IS the most important hee! The new place is definitely nice. There are a few problems though, we have dial-up now as we can't get highspeed in our area right now, hopefully by winter we can. I can't imagine living in a place as built up as this area is and not being able to get DSL!! Oh we could get cable modem, for way more than we were paying for DSL, so we won't do that as neither one of us can afford the price! There are a few minor things that need fixing around here, we gave a list to the landlord, and she said she would take care of it. She seems to be a woman of her word, so I have no doubt she will. I have a horrible cold, but that was to be expected since I busted my butt for quite some time for this move. I am prone to getting sick during stress times. Princess is having a few adjustment issues, which I'm sure will disappear soon, she's a good kid and very resilient. She loves her new school, which is a huge weight off my mind!! More to come at a later time, I am so tired and want to go to bed, but I wanted to let you all know we are here, and pics and more stories to come at a later time!

Last post before the move!

2005-11-03T09:54:00.000-05:00

Tonight the computer is getting packed up, so this is the last post I will make before my move on Saturday. It may be a while before we are up and running again, so take care everyone and good luck with everything, I miss you all, and when I am back up and running, you are all going to get lengthy visits from me :-)

We found a home!!

2005-10-25T17:29:00.000-04:00

We found a really nice place! The unfortunate thing is that it's not in the area I want to live in, but it's still a nice area. We found a 4 bedroom duplex, which means we'll have a spare room for the computer and crafts, woo hoo! It won't be all over the living room! Also, it's a side by side duplex, so we have an upstairs for the bedrooms and no one walking over our heads. There's a small yard where I can put Princesses swing set, and we can set out our patio table in the good weather. The landlord lives right next door, and she is so nice. I like having landlords close, it means things get done around the house. She doesn't mind if we paint, which we'll do in the Spring, we're color people and white walls don't do it for us. We have a bathroom on the main floor, and a full bath on the second floor, more than one person can pee at the same time hee! I'm in the process of looking for a new pre-school for Princess, which isn't easy as she really likes the one she's in now. Here's the kicker, we're moving November 5th, talk about time crunch!!!!! There are boxes everywhere in my house right now! The realtors are showing this place on Thursday, they'll just have to deal with the boxes! Thankyou all for your kind words and support, they mean more to me than you can ever know. When we're settled in the new place, I WILL start reading all your blogs again, I miss all the info! Just right now, there is a LOT going on. Take care all!

I hate moving!

2005-10-20T22:04:00.000-04:00

The title sums it up. I hate moving. I don't think anyone likes it, but it's even harder when you like where you are, but your stupid landlords decide to sell the place and give you one day notice before the realtor shows up. I don't think this place will sell quickly, but I can't take that chance. I need to find a place for myself and my daughter. Thank god roomie is sticking with us! I don't think my child could handle having to move and losing her "Oliquig" at the same time! We saw a place the other day which was a definite NO! I mean, the rooms were way too small for three people, and the current tenants were slobs big time! The place smelled too. Tonight we saw another place, which we liked very much, but it's way far away from the area we want to be in. So that one is on hold until we see more places tomorrow and Saturday. I looked into buying, but my credit, while a lot better than it used to be, is not good enough to qualify for the low interest rate loans, mine would be one of the really HIGH interest rate loans, and that would put my payments way higher than my highest rent range. I wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self not to be so horrible with money and to put it aside, because if I had I wouldn't be in this mess now. I'm 42 years old and I can't give my child a permanent address. It makes me feel like a failure. So off I go on the hunt for a place to call home, even for a short while, until I can make a more permanent move. Wish me luck everyone, I need it, and if you can send some hugs my way, I need those too.

And if THAT weren't enough.....

2005-10-17T13:22:00.000-04:00

My weekly weight watchers update is BAD today. I gained 7 pounds. 7!!! POUNDS!!!!! I feel awful. OK so I'm due for my period, and yes I was not careful this weekend, and no I didn't drink enough water...Oh wait, that's why isn't it. I will NOT let this set me back for good, I WILL persevere and get back on track. Who knew you could gain 7 pounds in one week!!!! Well today is the start of a different week, so I will put the past week behind me and go forward from here. And if that weren't enough, we found out this weekend we have to move, as the house is now on the market. We knew this day was coming, but I was hoping to get through one more year. I told Princess today, she is most upset about the fact that her best friend upstairs will no longer be upstairs when we move. I don't think she grasps the concept. I did find a nice place, but in another town, which isn't so bad but that means uprooting her pre-school, which she finally decided she liked. I also have a friend in this area who has a good friend in real estate, and she says she's going to ask him to keep an eye out for rentals close to her. That would be ideal, as her daughter and mine are best friends, and this would mean they would be in the same school next year. There are options, but I'm sad. This place has so much meaning to me. I get sentimental like that you see. I know anything new will be good, but it still hurts to think of leaving this place. So wish me luck in both the weight loss and the search for a new home!

Rain rain go away!!!

2005-10-14T20:27:00.000-04:00

It has rained for over a week now, and I'm beginning to feel the blues because of it. Thank god it's supposed to stop tomorrow, because I think I would otherwise open a bottle and drink heavily, and I don't even drink heavily normally lol! Work has been interesting, I talked to my boss about the slight I felt he had given me, and we worked it out. It's not perfect, but I told him how I felt, and he listened. I don't think he truly gets it really, but at least he tried. Princess has learned a new trick, she has learned to lie about when she feels sick. The week before she had a rash all over her body, and last weekend she had a fever of over 103. Both times she got quite a bit of attention, so this week she claims her throat hurts. Normally after the other two things, I would believe her, after all she has been sick. However, it's funny how her symptoms disappear when she wants something! I looked at her throat, and it looks fine. She may actually have a little sore throat, but not to the extent she's playing it. Some of the joys of having a child get older! Ah I love her though! With all my heart. This week working out with my trainer, I made the mistake of telling her the weights I was working with didn't hurt anymore, so she upped the weights on me. Can we say ouch I can't lift my arms?? Today I finally feel normal hee! On the good side of that, I can feel muscle in my arm!!!! And my legs are definitely getting thinner, and those babies are usually the last to go down when I go on a diet, so woo hoo exercise!!!! This weekend we are going to visit my brother and his wife and kids, which both Princess and I are looking forward to. Nothing else to say, thoughts are a bit sluggish in this weather. Have a good weekend everyone!

Weekly Weight Watchers Update

2005-10-10T17:03:00.000-04:00

3.6 pounds gone this week, for a total of 12.8 woo hoo!

My seatbelt doesn't feel so tight anymore.

Princess has been sick this weekend, had a fever of 102 or higher for most of the weekend, and I still managed to stay on track when I was worried about her.

There are two malls in short distance from where I live, one is nice, the other it snooty-ville. I went to snooty-ville and realized why I DON'T like shopping there!

But the other mall doesn't have Sephora or the Aveda store, I have snooty taste without the attitude I guess hee!

It's raining and I have no energy, but hopefully tomorrow I do as I have to go to work and then the gym.

I can't make coherent thoughts today, hence this post.

That is all :-)

Woo Hoo!

2005-10-09T14:11:00.000-04:00

I put on a pair of jeans this morning, ones that I haven't been able to wear since early spring, and THEY FIT!!! I didn't even have to suck it in! Life is good :-)

A seriously warped thought here...

2005-10-06T20:26:00.000-04:00

On my news banner on my puter I saw this: Bush: Militants seek to establish empire. But what I THOUGHT I saw was Bush militants seek to establish empire, and I thought, "oh my god they're ADVERTISING it now" ROFL!!!!

Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth going to work

2005-10-06T07:22:00.000-04:00

I had a day yesterday. There is a class for advanced color techniques and cutting that one of our distributors was offering. My boss got a comp ticket, which he was going to use, and I decided to go and pay the 160 it would cost, even though that would have made me tight this week because I felt it would be a good class. Before I go further, my title in the salon is head colorist, which translates to mean color answer person, helping out when we are short a receptionist person, clean up person when others don't do what they are supposed to, coverer for the boss when his truly messy divorce gets in the way of him working in the salon person, and errand runner for when he forgets to order something through the distributor I go to the store person. I have done these things for years, and asked nothing in return because I thought he appreciated me. Well, he has a court date for his messy divorce on the day the class is happening, and he gave the comp ticket to another stylist in the salon. He KNEW I wanted to go, we discussed it, even to the point of bringing back the knowledge and doing a class on it. I am not going, because the other stylist is perfectly capable of presenting a class. Oh and before that, there was a comp ticket a while ago to go to Baltimore to the distributors center for a two day class, we again discussed it and decided I would go and bring back the knowledge. He gave THAT ticket to the other stylist too. I made no big deal of it at the time, because I said to myself well she doesn't have kids and isn't a single mother so she has more time to go away for two days so this is ok. I must add, this has NOTHING to do with the other stylist, she is a competent nice girl who didn't even know what was going on when she got the tickets from him. I am pissed off, and hurt. I feel like all the things that I do mean nothing. He told me to call him last night and he would explain why things went down as they did, but I didn't call him. I will eventually because I think he owes me an explanation. But last night, I was too hurt and pissed, and the LAST thing I will do is cry on the phone talking to him. I will talk to him when I can be strong. Then, I will drop it, because I DON'T want to make the other stylist upset, she had nothing to do with it and I don't want to make her feel bad over it. At least I now know where I stand with my boss, which means I don't have to bust my ass doing extra things for him, because it means NOTHING. If I thought I could go to another salon and still support myself and my daughter, I would, but it would take me a year to build up elsewhere, and I can't do that. So, off I go to work today, oh joy!!

Weekly Weight Watcher update and the weekend with my parents

2005-10-03T21:12:00.000-04:00

Another 1. 2 pounds, for a total of 9.2 pounds lost! This on top of a week where very little went right. My daughter on Tuesday was sent home from school because of a rash, that started with a little spot on her chest and in the time it took me to get halfway to work from dropping her off, spread to her cheeks and further down. I've been REAL tight with money lately, I got behind on bills and paid a lot of things off, so needless to say I truly wanted to go to work, if for nothing else but the tips to buy a few things for the house. Instead, I picked up my poor daughter who was rather itchy and miserable the poor thing! Turns out it was just a rash caused by a virus, not contagious or anything, but on Tuesday I didn't know that. So, being depressed, I did what I always do, I turned to food to make me feel better. A few things were different though, I journaled everything I ate, even though it was hard to see the junk I put in my mouth down in writing. This was a first for me, before this I just did it without thought. The other thing was, the next day, I started fresh, without looking back to the day before and without too much guilt about it. Another words, I didn't let it derail me. Yay for me!
My parents were here for the weekend, and it was a good time! Princess was so thrilled to have them here, and pretty much talked their ear off that first day, telling them everything about her life including the rash earlier in the week hee! We went to a place called Gillette Castle, which is quite the historic site. I linked it to the website, so go check it out! Princess was so good, considering that an historic house isn't what most 4 year olds would consider exciting! In one room they had a man who was dressed up as William Gillette, who was a stage actor in the turn of the century and played Sherlock Holmes. He was dressed up as Sherlock, which was fascinating to Princess! It also didn't hurt that I bribed Princess with a stuffed kitty she saw and wanted hee! At the end of the day there, we were walking back to my car, and Dad was having problems. Roomie was with us too, so I sent her ahead with Princess to the gift shop to buy the kitty. Dad was so tired he could hardly walk, so Mom and I supported him so he could walk up the slight incline. At the top we set him down to rest. I went to the gift shop to get Roomie and Princess, and cried a little, because it is SO hard to see a man who at one time seemed invincible to me look so old. My heart aches because I know that my time with him is so short now. I am SO glad mom and I worked out our differences to a degree where I can spend time with them like this. I would miss so much if we hadn't. At the end of this very good visit, mom gave me a hug, and told me that she felt safe here at my house, and that she appreciated me more each year. These were words I had longed to hear for such a long time, I was somewhat at a loss when she said them. Then she told me thankyou, and that she loved me and needed me, because she was losing dad. When they left, I cried some more, because it's true. I did not turn to food to console me, I would have felt it would have belittled a moment that had to be felt in its fullest, the sweet and the bitter, because without great feelings both good and bad, how do you know you're alive. I look forward to seeing them again, because I know someday it will be the last time. For now, both are here, and they are so good with Princess, and they love me. That's a whole lot to be thankful for.

Weight Watchers Weekly Update

2005-09-26T11:08:00.000-04:00

I lost another 3 pounds making a total of 8 pounds gone! I have far to go, but I made the step and I'm getting there! Three things are on my mind today. At the meeting today, there are two women who are at goal weight. They deserve applause, because no matter how much you have to lose, it's never easy to get to your goal. Both are happy with their weight loss, but one of them said something that made me think. She said "I guess I still feel like a fat person inside even though I'm healthy on the outside". It made me realize that losing the weight is only part of the problem, letting yourself feel good about yourself as a thin person, well that takes some work when you have dealt with weight for the better part of your life. I'm not too sure how I'll react to a thinner me. On the one hand, I know that I'll be healthier and look a hell of a lot better, but will my mind catch up? Will I let myself think like a thin person, or will I still think and feel like a fat person. These are things that only time will have an answer to. I've also seen what happened to some of my friends who have lost weight. Others in their lives, unable or unwilling to accept the new person, say things like "you've gotten too thin, you look drawn, don't disappear!" Even though my friend tells people that she is in a healthy range of weight and is not too thin. She is beautiful, was before the weight loss, even more so now. But I think sometimes that makes people uncomfortable, perhaps because of what they might be struggling with in their own lives that they can't get a handle on. I have know idea if I'll get those comments, and if I do, I don't know how I will react. This is something I will ponder on my journey, but I have a LONG way to go before I get there!
I also remember when I was a little girl. I was never thin, but as a child I was in a healthy range of weight. Post adolescence is when I truly started to gain, and I remember my mom looking at me in a pair of shorts and laughing, saying "my god you look like a sausage in a casing in those". I don't think she meant is as cruelly as she said it, at least I hope not. But that was the first time I ever truly felt fat. The feeling has never left me since. Mom did not know how to deal with her over-weight daughter, as her sons were all so thin. She didn't know how to encourage, in weight loss or actually in any aspect of life. I always felt like I was letting her down. I struggle with that feeling even now at 42. Finally, I am realizing that the only one I have to answer to is me. If I want to change something, I can do it, no matter who is cheering or jeering. Some days that's easier than others to believe.
The last thing I ponder today is a conversation with Princess when I first joined weight watchers three weeks ago. I was talking about WW to Roomie and Princess asked me what I was doing. This was tricky, as she has no weight problem, and I don't want to start her obsessing about it. I told her "mommy is going to lose weight so that I can be more active and do more things with you, and be around for you a long time". I'm sure it didn't truly make any sense to her, but I wanted to put the weight loss in a positive light to her, not a "mommy feels so fat and ugly" kind of light. She looked at me, and hugged me and said "but I love my fat mommy!". I hugged her back, and said no matter what, I would always be her loving mommy, just healthier. I didn't have the words to explain why I don't want to be her "fat" mommy anymore. I just told her I loved her.
Nothing is ever easy in life, but it sure is an interesting and wonderful ride!

6 pictures of the weekend, a good start to Fall!

2005-09-25T18:16:00.000-04:00

Hayride on a Fall day

2005-09-25T18:14:00.000-04:00

Mommy's helper

2005-09-25T18:13:00.001-04:00

Fruit of the harvest

2005-09-25T18:13:00.000-04:00

Fresh wonder

2005-09-25T18:12:00.001-04:00

Sign of the season

2005-09-25T18:12:00.000-04:00

Majestic

Hey this is hard work, but I seem to be enjoying it!

2005-09-23T20:35:00.000-04:00

Tuesday I went to the gym with my personal trainer. I had been with her at the gym a few times before, but it those times were mainly to see what I could do. Well, she found out what I could do, so Tuesday the REAL work began! I started on the treadmill, for 5 to 10 minutes to warm up. Then we went into squats, which will NEVER be my favorite thing ever! She believes in stretching out the muscles after every set, so she helps me stretch my legs, then back to the squats. After that, she took pity on my lower half and started on my upper half. We did the machines and some free weights for my chest, shoulders, arms and back. Again after each set I stretched, which keeps down that burning feel you sometimes get. Then for good measure, because obviously to her she hadn't worked my bottom half enough, I went on the stationary bike for about 15 to 20 minutes. By the time I got done, my legs felt like noodles, and my chest and shoulders felt like the flames you cook noodles in! And you know what? I loved it! I felt like I had accomplished something. I felt empowered. This is also week three for weight watchers, on Monday I get weighed in. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I CAN do this. I have surprised myself by LIKING working out, I actually look forward to going to the gym. I go twice a week just for cardio, I went Thursday, and thought there is no way I can do the bike today, but after 5 minutes my legs felt so much better. I go again on Sunday, then meet up with my trainer on Tuesday. I feel in control, and for the first time, I understand how out of control I was with my health. So, tomorrow is another day, and I look forward to it!

Phew I'm back!!!!

2005-09-19T20:58:00.000-04:00

Ok after an extended absence, I am back! My absence started because I just became so busy with the start of school and my new schedule, and then when I was ready to blog again, the ol computer went kaplooie!!! The power source went, which meant the computer didn't turn on, a little hard to blog when you have no working computer hee!! A good friend of mine was quite the hero, and has installed a new power source, and now I am back WOO HOO! Funny how you don't miss something until it's gone! So tonight I am going to blog, and tomorrow night I'll get around to catching up on all of your blogs as I miss you all very much!!!! So much to say, so let's get started shall we :-)
Princess has taken to her new school quite well, at the end of the post there will be a pic of her and her teacher. The first week went by well, but the second one started with tears, I think it finally dawned on her that she wouldn't be seeing her old friends every day, and she missed them. Already she is meeting new friends, and she loves the learning at this school! I have already seen an improvement in her drawing, her recognition of letters and numbers, and she has learned the names of the days of the week! She takes to learning like a duck to water, and I'm so happy I made the switch, I think she would have been bored doing the same class over again at her old school. Plus, since this is pre-kindergarten, I feel better not sending her to kindergarten at age 4. She continues to amaze me everyday!
Now for what is happening to me... As many of you know who have read my blog for a while, I'm a larger lady, and while I am comfortable with me and have a healthy dose of ego, I realize as I age this will start health problems. I have read with much interest in Ricks (aka Connecticut Yankee) running stories, and how he wants to lose weight to live longer. This inspired me, thanks Rick! I too want to live a good long time, and now, before the health issues start, is the time for me to battle this particular demon that has haunted me for way too long. I joined the local YMCA, which has recently updated their gym, and hired a client of mine who is a personal trainer to help me get healthy, and have also joined weight watchers. I have been successful losing weight in the past, but never successful keeping it off. However, I never really exercised as I HATE it....So I think if I tackle that particular thing, I may be successful this time, at least that is the goal! I also think I need to write down some of my thoughts and feelings, as this will also help me in my goal. I want to see my grandchildren thankyou!! So, here's to a new venture, I'll keep you posted on my progress ( 3 days at the gym and 5 pounds so far) and if any of you have words of encouragement or success stories of your own, please share! There will still be stories of Princess as she is integral to my life, but there will also be some personal things shared and progress. Here's to a new me, next year you won't recognize me :-)
Thankyou all for your concern as to my absence, I'm back and ready to tackle the world, well at least the internet hee!

2005-09-19T20:56:00.000-04:00

Princess with her teacher

2005-09-19T20:54:00.000-04:00

Princess climbing the rock wall at the Goshen fair, an agricultural fair which is fairly well known in CT...go Princess!!!

2005-08-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

We had a wonderful time this weekend. We went to see Grammy and Grampy, and there was NO fighting!! This is always a major accomplishment when I go home to see my parents. Dad looked great, and so did mom. Dad has problems with his kidneys, so I'm always happy to see him doing so well. His doctor told him that he may need to go on dialysis in a few years, which I know he won't do, He's gonna be 84 this year, and as far as he is concerned, he has led a full life and has no intentions on prolonging it with any medical treatment beyond the ordinary. I respect him and his wishes, but you can see why I'm so happy to see him doing well! One bad thing this weekend, it was HUMID, and they don't have air conditioning, so it was hard to sleep last night! Oh well, when I complain I think of the Gulf Coast and realize that I don't have it hard at ALL.
Tomorrow, I will pick up Princess from her daycare early and take her over to her new school for orientation. This is a chance for me to meet other parents and for her to meet other kids. It's starting to dawn on her that this new school doesn't have her friends in it, so she's a little nervous. It'll be good for her to meet some of the kids she'll be going to school with. Then Thursday she starts!! I have no idea what to expect, I only know that this school does a lot of Montessori work without the Montessori philosophy, which means that there is more discipline than in a regular Montessori school. This is good, as Princess left to herself to learn would certainly NOT do that, she likes to play too much. She needs the discipline. Usually I am wittier than this in my posts, but quite frankly I'm tired, I just got home now from Mom and Dads and wish to go to bed now if I could, so know that in my head, and am witty as all heck and very funny too, so add the one liners wherever you wish to spice this post up I won't mind :-)

My little girl is growing up!

2005-08-24T21:18:00.000-04:00

Last night I found out that Princess got into the pre-school that I was on a waiting list for! This morning I went to see it, and you couldn't ask for a prettier setting for a school not to mention that it has a great reputation for truly preparing kids for regular school! I'm not catholic, and this is a school run by Nuns, so I felt a bit awkward talking to the Sister, but she instantly put me at ease. I must admit to a few mixed feelings. At first I was ecstatic that she got in, and that just kind of led me to the kind of parent I DON'T want to be. You know, the kind that picks the right pre-school so they can go to the right grade school and on to the right high school all leading up to Harvard or Yale. And here I am picking a pre-school which I feel will benefit her academically! Here is the big difference, I want my daughter to be able to support herself and be happy, period. I want her to go as far as she can, with me guiding her but NOT pushing her into what I think is the "right" kind of life. So I assuage my conscience with this, that I am not the kind of parent who puts school before her kids. I was then overwhelmed with sadness, this is a milestone here people! This is a pre-school that happens to have after school care, it is NOT a daycare that happens to have a pre-school. There is a world of difference in those two things. My daughter is growing up. She will be 5 this winter. I am so proud of her and yet I want her to be little for a little while longer. So here's to a new beginning, for My Princess. I am so proud of her, and saddened just a bit.

The Weekend in Pictures

2005-08-22T19:15:00.000-04:00

Thankyou all for your kind thoughts after my really bad day, and yes things have gotten better. My bank (best bank EVER!) did make good for my car insurance, and didn't even charge me another bounced check fee for it. I never did get any satisfaction from that company, but I am doing my own checks from now on, so they will NOT h ave access to my account as of this weekend. Speaking of the weekend it was a wonderful one! Last night, Roomie and I were bored, and looking for something new to do and possibly go eat. We went to the Fife and Drum restaurant in Kent, which is WAAAAAY far away, like an hour and a half, but wow the ride was worth it, we went through the northwest hills of CT and that is some pretty country, so without further ado, below are pics from this weekend.....

2005-08-22T19:14:00.000-04:00

Beautiful scenery from our trip last night to the northwest hills of CT, this was right behind the restaurant.

2005-08-22T19:13:00.000-04:00

The gift shop and Inn, so quaint, we want to go back for a whole day as Kent Falls is right u p the road and is supposed to be wonderful, then back here for dinner as the food was yummy!

2005-08-22T19:12:00.000-04:00

The sign, the restaurant has been owned and operated by one man for 32 years, he used to be the piano player for Rosemary Clooney!

2005-08-22T19:11:00.000-04:00

Princess outside said restaurant, after eating what is possibly the best burger ever!

2005-08-22T19:10:00.000-04:00

Today we spent the whole day at the beach (remember my weekends are Sunday and Monday) Princess is getting to be such a good swimmer!

2005-08-22T19:09:00.001-04:00

I tried to get a pic of Princess doing push ups in the water, instead I got a pic of her falling after doing them hee!

2005-08-22T19:09:00.000-04:00

A hole filled with water which Princess could NOT resist!

2005-08-22T19:07:00.000-04:00

Princess and a new friend on the beach planting their "garden", as you can see we had a ball! We left around 4, but I could have stayed longer but Princess was starting to fade. I hope you all had such a good weekend too!

Can we start again please?

2005-08-17T21:31:00.000-04:00

My day has been interesting to say the least. It's one of those days where you just want to put the covers over your head and take a do over. It started this morning with Princess being cranky, which is not unusual but what is unusual is how sad she seemed, so I kept her home for the morning as I did not have any clients until later. Then I left a bit earlier with her to stop at the bank and take care of a bill, where upon I found that my account was overdrawn, which made me stop as I have been careful as all hell lately as I had a few weeks of piddly things being overdrawn which caused a fee of 27 dollars every time. So I have watched EVERYTHING... And yet I was still overdrawn. So I checked into it, and found a check for 347 dollars and some change had been posted against my account. It was an electronic check, and when I looked into it further, it was a check that should have been taken out NEXT week! I know this for a fact, because the first two to three weeks I tend to keep a tight reign on everything as I have rent, car payment, and insurance all due. So I would never have made it for the week that car payment and insurance was due! Now here's the bad part, my car insurance did NOT post yet, so that meant that if it went through today or tomorrow, it would bounce. Ewe!! Thankfully I have the most wonderful bank anywhere, who said they would do an override and authorize the payment to go through regardless, which is great but now I have 54 dollars in bounced check fees! I called the company who posted a week early, which made me want to scream. Please understand that I am NOT an unreasonable person (well ok perhaps I am but that is only once a month and if you give me chocolate and salt all is well) and understand that mistakes are made. But the reaction I got was "well what do you want US to do about it, it's only a week!" So I proceeded to tell them just what a week early meant for me and could they just put it back, which they said no, as it would take 3 to 4 days and by that time it would be next week (ARGHH!!) so I said fine at least cover my bounced check fees as THEY ARE YOUR FAULT and again they said no and that I could feel free to sue them, which they probably knew I wouldn't do as it would cost me more to sue them than the fees. We open up our accounts to companies so we can live without the hassle of writing out checks and mailing them, but when we do we open ourselves up to corporations that only care for THEIR bottom line, not yours. The madness has got to stop and I am investing in stamps right now! Work seemed to be ok, but I found out that we have a meeting on Saturday after work absolutely mandatory. This does not bode well as my boss right now is going through a messy divorce and he seems to come down hard on us when his life has no structure, as if making us "tow the line" will make the madness in his life easier to handle. Then, I picked up Princess and upstairs neighbors son from a friends house as roomie and upstairs neighbor is busy with a show and upstairs neighbors husband was busy and took them for ice cream. Well there was a line a mile long, and try telling to young kids that the line is too long and you need to go home without ice cream after you promised! So we got home late, and now I hear upstairs neighbors son crying hard and I think his father is probably cussing me out right now, life is SO pleasant today!!!
Can I start over please??????

Old Friends.....

2005-08-15T20:01:00.000-04:00

I had a phone call the other night, from a long time friend of mine. We call each other occasionally, never as much as we would like, but we both have busy lives. She lives very far away, and we haven't seen each other in YEARS...However, that doesn't seem to make a difference in our friendship. When that phone rings, either on my end or hers, we are instantly together, in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking. Not really, but that's how it feels. The years and the distance don't seem to matter. I've known her since highschool, and we have certainly seen each other at our best...And our worst. All this goes through my mind each time we talk, along with an overwhelming feeling of missing her. I wish we COULD sit in the kitchen with coffee, I wish we could play cards with wine, by the way we are both cutthroat with cards, we play to win and we play for blood, but in the end we are still friends no matter who wins. I wish she was next door so we could kibitz about our lives and our children. But the phone calls help, it keeps us connected. I was married twice, the first time to a man whom she dated for a short while, when she dumped him I should have gotten wise and stayed away, neither of us knew his potential to be a nightmare. The second marriage I'm not too sure she knew him well, but she was there during that time too. She was married once before her current marriage, to a man who is good, but wanted and demanded that she be someone whom she isn't. I have been there with my first marriage, so I knew the symptoms. I'm not sure if any of my advise helped her find herself again, but she did, got divorced, met a nice man, and moved away. I've missed her since. Not just because she has been a part of my life for so long, although that is part of it. I don't have a lot of friends that I can say date back that far. There is one I have known even longer, since we were very young, and when I go back to my home town, I still see her. I feel though, that if that friend and I were closer, we would still be long time friends who see each other occasionally. With this other friend with the phone calls, I feel that if we were closer, we would be much more than that. Don't get me wrong, I have met many wonderful people since then, many of them in my life now, my roommate being one of them, but there is something about my phone call friend that is different. The last time she called, she told me about another friend of mine whom I don't keep in touch with anymore. This friend was wonderful, and I still have a pain in my heart because we aren't friends anymore. But I always had to stick up for her to my other friends, tell them that she really DID have a heart of gold it just didn't always show. You see she was a bit caustic. After a while, I got worn down, and tired of the energy she took. My phone friend, told me about one of her friends who is very much like my caustic friend. She told me "I found a (caustic friends name) but I have never found another Nina. I too have never found another friend like her. We are not at all alike, we aren't even the same age. She is much smarter than I, I think I am a bit more street wise than her. We both have ditzy tendencies. But for all the differences, we work, we fit as friends. She has two wonderful kids, twins, one of which has some problems which she and her husband are doing all that they can for, even over the phone you can feel the love in that household. She had a child a long time ago, back when we were both young and our skin was firm, which she gave up for adoption. I know that has pained her for years, but she did the right thing. She is a much better mom now than she would have been then. It was an open adoption, and she recently contacted her child's mother, and she wrote back, there will be a meeting soon, I hope it comes out well. I don't think the daughter is looking for her to be a mom, nor is she looking for another child. They just want to know. I as an adopted child know why they want to, even if it isn't apparent to any of you. When I think of my phone friend I get a sense of nostalgia along with longing that we were closer, but I love that our friendship is still strong despite the years and the distance.
Here's to good friends, wherever they are, here's to memories of all of them, even the ones we have lost. It can be bittersweet at times, but to close oneself off from friends, is to stop living. Live well, and keep your friends close, no matter the distance.

I'm back, and actually have something to say!!

2005-08-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

Well here I am folks, after a lengthy absence. I still feel somewhat blog sluggish, but I figure if I don't start to blog again I'll never do it again, and truly I would miss all of you! We just came back from Sesame Place, Princess and I, and we truly had a great time! We went with my sis in law and her kids, and a friend of mine and her kids. We all got along famously, which in kid world is saying a lot! On the way down, a three and a half hour ride took five and a half hours, curse you George Washington Bridge and construction!!! The next time I head to Pennsylvania, I'm taking another route, because even if it's out of my way, it'll still take less time than going through the Bronx and over the George Washington bridge. Princess, because she was over excited and over tired, ended up throwing up on the way down. We pulled over into a Home Depot in NY, I stripped Princess down, wiped her off with wipes, and re-dressed her in clean clothes. Then I went into the bathroom and washed her other clothes, oh the joy of traveling with kids hee! That first day, we just hung around the hotel and swam in the pool, a big hit with all the kids let me tell you! The next day, we drove to the Crayola Factory, and a good time was had by all. Now if you have kids who are into crafts, and seriously I don't know too many kids who aren't, that is a place to be let me tell you! I'm not sure who had more fun there, the kids or the grownups. The next day, it was Sesame Place, and thank god it's a water park, because it was HOT!!! My sis in law doesn't sweat, which sounds nice on the surface, but it means that she gets physically ill when in the heat too long. So we spent a lot of time in the water, which appealed to all of us. My favorite rides were the ride where we were all in a raft and went down a tunnel and down a large water slide, and Big Birds river ride. In that one we sat on tubes and floated down, where water would hit us occasionally, so much fun!! We ate at Longhorns, and if any of you have one by you, go to it if you like really good steak, yummm!!!! The next day, which was the day we were leaving, My youngest nephew ended up not feeling well, but did manage to make it to the park on last time. However, on the way home, we had a repeat of on the way there, only this time it was my youngest nephew who got sick, which made his older brother gag. Oh joy!! Again it took longer than it should have, but we made it home, and literally passed out until the next day!! Below are some pics, we truly had a GREAT time! I love doing things like this with my daughter, I like making the memories!!

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The pool at the hotel with very happy kids

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Crayola Factory crafts, hey any paint can be finger paints to little kids!

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The worlds largest crayon!

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One of my favorite rides

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Fun with face paints

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goodbye Sesame Place, we had fun!

I still have nothing to say but I now have questions to answer

2005-07-29T23:00:00.000-04:00

I am still in a slump, however I'm not depressed, nor am I bored. I just think that for me, summer is not the time I think of to blog. Since this is my first summer blogging, I'm not sure if this is going to happen every summer, but hey I roll with it :-)
Thanks to Christine and Presentstorm, at least I now have something to write, so here goes:

Christine asked:

You're going on vacation again? Yep, next weekend. I know, I just came back, and timing could be better had I a few more weeks between vacations, but this is a trip with my sis in law and her kids, and Princess's best friend and family, and we had to go by what dates worked best for everyone.
Where to this time? (And more importantly, can I come, too?! I'm going to Sesame Place in Pennsylvania. I went last year and had a blast, so I'm going again this year and plan on having a blast again. Of course you can come, just pack a bag and hop a plane, we'll meet you there, your kids would LOVE it!!
Question: I'd like to know which of your teenage years was your favorite, and why: My favorite teenage years were between 16 and 18, I finally came out of my shell and had a blast!!! At least with my friends. It's funny, but my favorite teenage years would also have to be categorized as my worst teenage years. In school and with my friends, I came into my own, was dating, got good grades, went everywhere, did all the things a teenage girl would want to do. At home, my brother was spiraling down into mental illness, my mom stopped being a mom to me or to anyone as she dealt with her son's illness. I ran the house, and made sure dad payed the bills because they both fell apart. The reason I did what I wanted to do with my friends is because I'm not too sure that my parents knew I was there at all. Come to think of it, my teenage years weren't so hot, but I do have good memories of my friends. I'm hoping Princess has good teenage years, but not to the extent I had. I want her to have good memories of a functioning mother.One of these days I think I'll have to blog about that dark time, it will be a bunch of posts, and not necessarily one right after the other. That much pain can't be exercised so easily day after day. Also I have some times I have very little recollection of, as I blocked them out, so I have to piece together my memories.

Presentstorm asked:

If you could have named yourself at birth what would it have been ? Oh good question! I used to hate my name as no one else had it growing up, now I love my name as so few people have it, so I feel unique in that way. My birth name was not Nina, it was Na Mi Ok, family name in Korean was first, and the "K" sound is usually pronounced as an "NG" sound, so my name would have been translated into English as "Me Ong Na". I think keeping some of my heritage intact in my name would have been nice, but in those days, there was no celebrating the culture of your adopted child, it was blending your child into society so they didn't stand out. I wouldn't have minded Meung, which would have been an Americanized version of my name. Other than that, I always liked Alexandria.

Thanks guys for giving me something to blog, and anyone else who wants to ask a question, I'm still up to answering :-)

The post where I have nothing to say

2005-07-27T00:02:00.000-04:00

It's past twelve, I should be sleeping, but alas, I am not.

My daughter is strange, I mean that in the nicest way possible, as I too am strange and would expect nothing less from my child. Still, I had to mention she was strange.

Notice the lack of blogging? It's not that nothing at ALL has happened in my life, I just can't muster up the energy to blog about it.

This is my "I'm feeling guilty I have not blogged" blog.

I tend to do random thoughts a lot, seems to be the way my mind works....or is that a random thought??

Summer so far, GREAT....Humidity so far...SUCKS....funny how one thing can be great and at the same time suck.

My boss is getting a divorce, something he almost went through a while back but they reconciled. She had asked for it the first time, he the second. In describing my boss's divorce, I use a chocolate analogy (because really, chocolate just about sums up the universe). You know when your a kid, and you see a really big piece of chocolate in a candy store window, and you really really want it but you don't have any money, so you do all sorts of odd jobs around the house to earn enough money to buy it, you buy it and take your first bite...and then realize it's not what you truly wanted? The reconciliation and subsequent divorce is like that with him I think.

They own a house now, which they didn't the first time, which complicates matters.

I need to go back on vacation...oh wait, I am next weekend woo hoo!!

Explain this to me, why is it when a hair colorist (me) takes a vacation, the week prior and the two weeks after I come back are so dang busy I can't breathe? Happens to me every year, like they think "oh god I just have to have my hair done NOW, because if I don't she might fall off the face of the earth".

Not that I'm complaining, I make a lot of money when I'm so busy so all is well.

I love my little strange child, I can relate well to her and she to me. Life is good like that.

Still waiting to hear if she gets into the really good pre-school this fall, or if she stays in the daycare she is in now, which is just slightly less cool than the other one, but the other one has a better curriculum.

My mind is now blank, I think I can finally sleep.

Thanks for putting up with my lack of good blog material.

Hey I know, why don't you guys ask me something you have just been DYING to know about me? I'll answer any and all questions. That way, I have something to blog and you get your curiosity out of the way, win win all around I say.

If you have no curiosity that's cool too, just means I'll have to work harder for my blogging hee :-)

Princess, 4 going on 14!

2005-07-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

You know the mothers curse? The one where your mom says "I hope you have a child just like you!", that one. Well, I have a child just like me, only not the me I was when I was little, but the me now. When I was little, I had no confidence, generally did what I was told, and very rarely talked back. The talking back thing started for me when I was in my teens. Well Princess on the other hand, has so much confidence I don't think it has ever occurred to her she could fail at anything, and questions things I tell her to do, and talks back quite a bit! The other day, I asked her to take her dinner plate to the sink and put it in there, this is something she does every night. That particular night, she whined and said but mom I want to watch my TV show! I told her only after she put her plate away. In she goes stomping to the sink, then she turns to me, and in a pre teen sullen kind of way she says "can I go now??", my reaction was, "if you want to watch your show, you will lose the attitude right now!" I mean she's 4 people!! Last night was the fit from hell, so bad that she was yelling incoherently. All because I told her it was too late for two books she could only read one. I even compromised and promised to read her the favorites part of the other book. 15 minutes later, she is in her room sobbing into her pillow. I felt like handing her an Oscar for best dramatic teen scene! I am so in trouble in the future! Thank god she is so cute, otherwise I think I would pack her to a military school. Just when I want to pack her away and never look back, she does something so cute and loving, and all is forgotten. She'll come up to me and sit on my lap, put her arms around me and say "mom, I love you". My hear melts, I want to give her anything, and all is better. I think that's why god made kids so dang cute, otherwise I think we all would be packing them up somewhere! Take note you parents to be, just when you think you can't take any more, they melt your heart. I also had the yelled "I DON'T LIKE YOU!" from her the other day. Perhaps to those who feel children should be coddled will not agree with me, but I looked at her torn between laughter and exasperation and said "well I'm not too crazy about you right now either!". In a way it gave her permission to feel like she did, I remember not liking my mom much, but I always loved her. After she calmed down that day we talked, and I told her no matter what, even when we can't stand each other at the moment, remember I love you always and I know you love me. She then hugged me and gave me a kiss, the most precious gift your child can give you! She's asleep now, but I'm sure tomorrow will see more ups and downs and drama moments, all ending with an "I love you". Someday I'll look back on these problems and laugh, because they are so simple. Now can someone hand me the manual on raising kids??? I must have misplaced mine somewhere!!!!
Enjoy your little drama kings and queens and remember to always tell them no matter what, you love them!

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!!!

2005-07-18T21:30:00.000-04:00

Hello all, I don't know how my week of vacation could have been better! The weather, although hot, was wonderful, and truly, I was on an island with a breeze, it never seemed as hot there. The first day there, it was late so we actually went down to the rocky beach (pictures on flickr ) and picked mussels. How cool is that, right there for the picking, the freshest sweetest mussels EVER....and we got them right from the sea! We steamed them up and feasted, along with wine. Life is good! The kids, my sis in law's three and my one, couldn't have been happier. Not once did Princess ask for TV, she was too busy playing out in the sunshine and swimming. At night, we would put them in the kids room with a movie, not once did they actually finish the movie, usually halfway through they would all be out. I don't think that Princess went to bed before ten any night there, but somehow she managed, which I find amazing given the fact that she usually is in bed by 8:30. Between swimming, we also went on a sight seeing tour of the island, we saw Pulpit rock where Roger Williams preached to the Indians of the island, we saw Indian spring, a fresh water spring with the sweetest water I have ever tasted. We saw an old cemetery dating back to revolutionary war times, complete with tops missing because of cannon fire! We went to the highest place on the island where you could see all sides, breathtaking! We also did tick check after every walk, Princess had one on her attached which totally skeeved me out, but she's fine, it was a wood tick not a deer tick. We also visited tide pools, where there were a lot of little critters just right for children to catch. Each night after they went up, we would sit around, sometimes just us or sometimes with other "island" dwellers, either with wine or Gin and tonics. I discovered I like gin and tonics, and since I truly don't drink much more than wine, that was a surprise. At the end of a perfect week, we headed for my brothers house, for fireworks and fun at the house. It was a fun ending of a perfect week, but seriously, this town they live in is very well to do, and I think my town had WAY better fireworks! We came home yesterday night, and Princess was asleep within 15 minutes of being put into bed! Today we layed around the house like slugs, each of us needing to re-group before the real world intrudes on us tomorrow. We're refreshed, and somewhat ready, but if I have a smile on my face this week, it'll be because I remember this perfect week!!! I have truly been having a fantastic summer, I can't wait to see what the rest of it has in store!! There are a few pics below, and if you want to see more, they are over on flickr.
Enjoy!!!

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Indian Spring

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Princess swinging from a vine

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the tide pools

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another start to a gorgeous sunset

2005-07-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

Playing in rocky beach

2005-07-18T21:15:00.000-04:00

Early morning walk that turned into early morning swim in her shorts!

See you in a week!

2005-07-09T18:49:00.000-04:00

Well tomorrow, I am off on vacation!!! Princess and I will be going to Prudence Island, which is a little island off of Rhode Island. My brother and his wife have a house there. We go and spend time with them and my niece and nephews. It's always so much fun, and I truly can't wait to get there! Princes last night said "Mama I'm so excited about seeing my cousins!" Which about sums it up for both of us :-) I'll be back next weekend, no tears now, I WILL be back hee!!!! I'll have a lot of pics, which I will actually upload to flickr, so those of you who really don't like vacation photos don't have to be subjected to them on my blog, and for those who DO like vacation photos, well there will be a LOT of them!! You guys have a good week, and enjoy it, I know Princess and I will :-)

No creative title here.

2005-07-07T23:54:00.000-04:00

My heart goes out to the people in the UK. My heart goes out to the victims. My heart goes out to the men and women who fight to defend us, even if I think the war in Iraq is wrong, these people who go there when our leaders sent them they are NOT wrong and should be applauded. Can someone please tell me when this will stop? Please? I am not enjoying the ride. I want my child to grow up knowing that the good guys win, but how do I do that when I'm not too sure about that anymore. How do I tell her to embrace differences in people and yet tell her not to trust strangers. How do I raise her without fear when I myself am fearful.
I have no answers.
Just prayers, sympathy, and an overwhelming desire to lock her and myself up somewhere safe, if I knew where that was.
Be safe everyone, and vigilant. Very very vigilant.

4th of July Weekend Update

2005-07-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

I find it hard to believe that the 4th of July is over. It doesn't seem possible that it could have come and gone, and we are that much closer to Fall. I find that the years just fly by lately! I did however, have a good weekend! On Sunday, Roomie had a family barbecue to go to, which she invited Princess and I to go too. When she did this, I was pretty darned happy about. Then the day came, and so did my period. I apologize to my men readers who right now are probably going eww...she's talking about THAT....but hey it's no picnic for us women either. I felt like someone had slipped me a sleeping pill, all I wanted to do is crawl back into bed and stay there!! I did snooze most of the day away, moaning about cramps, but then the time of the barbecue came and Princess truly wanted me to go, so off we went. We had a good time all in all, but my social skills were a bit lacking. I kind of sat there like a slug just smiling at everyone so they would know that I wasn't anti-social. Just for a change it would be nice if men had to deal with this instead of us women. But then again, I don't think we could handle them with the mood swings hee!!!!
Monday, we got up bright and early (Me feeling like a human being again) and went to the beach. I wanted to get there early, and leave early, so we could avoid the crowds and so Princess could get a nap in before the fireworks that night. It was beautiful!!!!!! We took a walk on the rocks, where I was a feast for a really obnoxious horse fly. I got him in the end, squished him, which made a red stain on the rock, I yelled at the corpse "hey that is MY blood sucker" to which he didn't reply, being dead and all. We then went home had lunch, and Princess slept for two hours! When she woke, a bath ensued and then off we were again, to our downtown area where they had a small fair with a few rides, yummy fair food, and the river where the fireworks were. We were THISCLOSE to where they were being shot off, so when they went, they were RIGHT OVER US, very thrilling and wonderful!! I wish they had been longer. Princess, even tired as she was, waved her little flag and was thrilled. It was a good weekend all in all, other than the killer horse fly and oh, a truly RUDE young woman who refused to let me into traffic! Young and bitchy, that was her!!! Other than that, a truly spectacular weekend! Below are some pics of this weekend. I would LOVE to hear of your weekends, so C'mon, what was the best part of the weekend for you? Mine was seeing the happiness on Princess' face as she watched the fireworks, and being so close you could actually see them being launched in the air!

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Princess ready to go to Roomie's families barbecue, I thought she looked ready to hit a few tennis balls :-)

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Princess at the beach having fun

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Dead blood sucking fly....muwahahaha!!!!

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How close we were to the fireworks barge

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Climbing rocks....

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The bridge between our town and the one across the river.